When a family faces loss, one common question is, “Should we bring the kids to the funeral?” It’s an emotional decision, and as someone who has walked alongside many families during these times, I’ve seen how the right approach can provide children with a sense of connection, understanding, and healing.
Here’s my perspective on how to navigate this delicate situation with care, whether your child is a toddler, a teenager, or somewhere in between.
"Should we bring the kids to the funeral?"
The instinct to protect children from sadness is natural. However, grief is a universal experience, and including children in a goodbye ritual can help them healthily process loss. Exclusion, on the other hand, can sometimes leave them feeling confused or alienated.
A funeral can provide children with a clear, compassionate context for what has happened. When explained appropriately, it becomes an opportunity for learning and healing, rather than something to fear. Think of it as opening a door for them to explore their emotions while surrounded by love and support.
Preparing a child for the experience
Children thrive on clarity and reassurance. If they’ll be attending a funeral, take some time to gently explain what to expect:
Describe the day: Share what the setting will look like, who will be there, and what might happen: “We’ll be in a special place where people will share stories about Grandad, listen to music he loved, and say goodbye.”
Emphasise emotions Are normal: Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even bored. Normalise your own feelings by saying something like, “I might cry because I miss him, and that’s okay. You can cry too, or just hold my hand.”
Answer questions honestly: Be open to their curiosity, but keep explanations age-appropriate. Younger children might ask where the person has gone, while older ones might want to understand more about the ceremony.
Some ways to support children at funerals
Here are some ideas to help children feel comfortable, understood, and valued during a funeral:
Create a quiet corner: Set aside a small area with cushions, books, or drawing supplies where younger children can retreat if they feel overwhelmed.
Invite participation post-funeral: Organise a family activity afterward, like planting a tree or releasing biodegradable balloons, to give everyone a sense of closure.
Keep mementos: Offer children a keepsake from the day, such as a flower from the service or a small charm, as a lasting memory of their loved ones.
Grief is a journey
The funeral is just one step in a family’s grieving process. For children, it’s important to keep conversations about loss ongoing. Check-in regularly to see how they’re feeling, and remind them it’s okay to talk—or not to talk—about the person who’s gone.
If you’d like support in crafting a service that welcomes children or teens, I’d be honoured to help. Visit my contact page to send an enquiry.
Karen xx
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